OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
