I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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