Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
