you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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