I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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