I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
