Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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