you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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