I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
