i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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