drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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