It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
