Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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