Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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