I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
