so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
