I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
