batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
God, I missed his penis.
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