She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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