you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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