just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The uberlube is also flammable
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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