Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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