I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
