So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
