i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize