Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
