i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
