Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
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