I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
