Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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