Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize