Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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