I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
