That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
