I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
