3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
