He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
The uberlube is also flammable
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
