You're so nebulous sometimes
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
