I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
