I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
