did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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