I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
