you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
