okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize