She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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