so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
