Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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