I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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