ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
