we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
