omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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