he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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