Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
