Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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