My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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