Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
