I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
