do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
