Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
