Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize