you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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