i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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